The Specter of Geriaocracy

Recently, I decided to visit a local convenience store in the hopes of finding something delicious for lunch. As I walked, I was surprised to find myself in relatively good spirits due to the anticipation of my goal, a ham and cheese "sando" (sandwich in Japanese). All of my optimism for the day dissipated when I laid eyes on a gut wrenching scene of mindless destruction. A small white car had managed to jump over a six inch concrete barrier and crash through a large window in the front of the convenience store that held my prize. Shocked at the carnage, while at the same time puzzled about the logistics of a seemingly impossible act, I entered the store and looked around for clues concerning the identity of the perpetrator. It was then that I laid eyes on a culprit so obvious that my previous confusion seemed embarrassing. Before me stood a small shortsighted man looking dazed and slightly inane. He could have been no younger than 70 and his deficient brain capacity had accidentally caused him to back out of his parking space in "drive" rather than in "reverse." All of my fellow patrons showed utmost respect for a man who had just managed to destroy the frond end of the store, and the staff even gave him a hearty "thank you" when he bought a drink to tide him over during his wait for the authorities. It was into this display of lunacy that I realized the threat that hangs over us like adult diaper ready to burst. Evidently, old people are nothing more than a reactionary force bent on the propagation of outdated ideas, forced submission to their will, and worse, the threat of death from frequent mistakes involving mundane tasks. It is into this depressing world that I fire the first shot into the inevitable war between youth and the growing force of "Olds."

Its quite clear to me that the human mind and body work on a bell curve. That is why so many elderly people share similar traits with infants. Naturally bowel control, eating without a majority of the food winding up on your shirt or around your mouth, and walking at normal speeds are similarities that have been well documented and joked about. Unfortunately, mental conditions have been studied far less, and it is into this void that I wish to offer my observations. Babies are often excused for the dumb stuff they do because they have not learned certain things and therefore can not be expected to understand the concept of changing situations or cause and effect. "Olds" on the other hand have more experience in the ways of the world than any other social group, but make far more problematic mistakes, and then are praised just for having the energy to cause the problem. In the end, everyone has driven behind the old person leisurely cruising along at a measly 30 MPH because, "there is no reason to be in a hurry, it will be there when we get there." We have all see the looks of disdain when a old person with no obvious physical deficiency sneers at us for taking the item or seat that he or she wanted, and thereby not showing the proper respect due to them as a result of their earlier birth. We have kept our mouths closed every time we see an old person upset upon discovering that their age won't guarantee any benefits or discounts from a place of business. We have even pretended to be happy when an old person talks to us about why their understanding of the world is accurate, and how we really need to listen to them in order to truly understand life. These common problems are only the tip of the iceberg. After all, the true threat comes not from their annoying characteristics, but from the power they wield over everyday affairs.

While the paragraph above lists some serious indictments against senior citizens. They are merely irritants when compared to true problem, their influence on public policy. I have already alluded to the fact that I believe that senior citizens are an inherently retrograde force. This is opinion is of course unscientific, but based on observations from everyday life. For example, old people refuse to change, even if the possible difference could result in an easing of their responsibilities or troubles. I often take the train to work, and about six months ago the train began stopping in a different place due to construction on a new station. To this very day I see the same old people line up in the former place, growing all flustered when they find out that the new routine has fooled them again. While this act may seem inconsequential, it is a powerful case study of the overall reasoning ability of the elderly. In short, their logic tells them that previous things worked well, and therefore all energy should be devoted to the ceasing of any and all progress. Of course this rationale is the key to established politics (in the form of conservative ideology) as well as organized religion (in the form of an understandable desire to placate fears of death with a type of spiritual insurance). Naturally, all elderly people do not fall into this category. There are many people who are aware of their slip into old age. They grow depressed upon realizing they have entered decline, and can't understand why they no longer comprehend why things are what they are. It is to those partially enlightened souls (whose ranks I hope to join one day) that I urge to give up the ghost. Nobody understands why things are interesting or appealing. Life just happens to cater to the needs of a couple of generations, and only in the twilight of this existence do people ever think to look back and reflect. In the end it is important to realize that there are no constants, only change. Humanity is constantly reforming itself, often positively, and the grand scope of history is far beyond the understanding of one generation. While these words will probably not be reassuring, they allow for me to introduce my last point, what is to be done?

Following the second world war, the influx in birth rates resulted in what is commonly called the "baby boom." Over sixty years later the product of one the largest populations spikes in the developed world are becoming old. The vast numbers of elderly in places of prominence threaten to throw the balance away from progress and towards (at best) stagnation. Even now, any talk of mandatory medical tests for the elderly for simple tasks like driver's licenses, are met with cries of discrimination. Horror stories of older people being passed over by employers allegedly due to their age are met with anger, with few asking about the possibility it could have been because of something as simple as skill or salary demands. It is into this society that the new generation of elderly find themselves in power. Despite this, the future is not totally bleak. The agents of progress must defeat these people before they use their archaic views based on Cold War logic to destroy civilization. We must stop them with the only way we know how, cold calculated lack of respect. Old people thrive on the belief that we should honor them because they have lived longer. Of course the simple truth is that it is far easier to die young when you are healthy and virile, than it is to die when you are decrepit and weak. Therefore we have to force them to realize that they have not achieved any great honor by continuing to exist. Only after they have been humbled will it be possible to talk to them as equals and to keep the evolution of society in tact. This is something that needs to be done more than ever. After all, our ability to grow old depends on it.