Dogs of the World Unite!

A few weeks ago, Leslie and I were standing at the crosswalk waiting for the light to change. As we patiently awaited the signal, a stray dog casually walked up to us and sat down. When the light changed, he stood up and crossed the street before taking a left and continuing up the sidewalk. While this may seem strange to people in most countries, in Moscow it is a common occurrence. Therefore, I would like to reveal to the world the truth about one rarely mentioned aspect of the former Soviet Union, namely, its treatment of canines and their elevation to a place of envy amongst all of the dogs in the world.

On November 7, 1917 the entire world stood in awe of an earth shattering event. The turmoil and strife caused by the first World War had allowed for a group of political radicals to seize power in Russia. Promising to create a world free of exploitation and subjugation, they set the stage for the most ambitious social experiment in world history. People from around the world made their way to Moscow to contribute their services to the cause. It was as a part of this pilgrimage, that a group of dogs from Scotland and Germany united to form a lobbying group for their interests. Their appeals made their way to all of the belligerent countries, and it was not long before a small coalition had formed. By late November, the dogs had enough bones to pay for steamer fare. They arrived in St. Petersburg in time to present their platform to the entire Communist movement.

The dogs had a difficult road ahead of them. There was a vocal anti-dog faction within the Bolshevik party. Fortunately, Vladimir Lenin was a firm supporter for Dogs rights. In his widely read treatise, "Собаки и Народ, Ровня?" (Dogs and the People, the Same?), Lenin spelled out his beliefs concerning the inalienable rights of all dogs within a Socialist framework. Lenin's strong personality was not enough to get the equal rights amendment passed. This coupled with the impending Civil War forced many of the dogs to flee the country. Unfortunately, the movement of dogs toward Moscow had caused many western governments (including the United States) to pass harsher laws restricting the rights of K-9's within their borders. Many of the returning dogs were collared by local authorities as soon as the entered their native countries. The small and vocal minority of dogs that remained in Russia watched all of these events in horror. Realizing that their only hope for equality remained in Russia, they hastily prepared a new manifesto and presented it to the Communist Party. Once again backed by Lenin, the uphill struggle for dog equality was renewed. The stage was set for the greatest triumph in the recorded history of the species.

The Civil War in Russia forced the dogs into a tight spot. The country had sunk into a level of depravity never before seen, and it was hard for both dogs and people to feel safe. Seeing the revolution (and their future) in trouble, many dogs joined the red cause. Their tenacity coupled with their dogged loyalty to the cause, left a positive impression on many of the leading Communists. In 1921, with the fighting beginning to ebb, Lenin finally resubmitted the call for dog equality. The vote was almost unanimous. The People's Official and Original Charter for Hounds, or P.O.O.C.H. was officially put into effect on March 15, 1923. A type of euphoria swept the entire canine community, but it would only be temporary. A series of strokes had permanently debilitated their chief benefactor. In January 1924, Lenin died and the second phase of the struggle for true dog-man equality commenced.

Lenin's death helped propel Joseph Stalin, then General Secretary within the party, to the top of the leadership pool within the Soviet Union. Stalin, who had been in the dog house ever since supporting the motion against P.O.O.C.H., decided to make the repeal of the legislation his chief priority. Despite this, the dogs were not about to roll over and play dead. They mounted an effort against the new leader. Joining Trotsky's "Left Opposition", the dogs would angrily bark down any supporters of the General Secretary. Despite this, Stalin's place became more and more secure. The fall of Trotsky in 1926, led to an even tighter leash on dog activities in the Soviet Union. The "Collectivization" campaign during the 1930's further eroded the rights of dogs to the point that they were forced to beg for strips of land, while still unable to bring home the bacon for their families. In 1939, P.O.O.C.H. was repealed. The dogs were in a daze at their misfortune. They entered the 1940's with their tales between their legs and very little hope for the future.

The Second World War put Soviet canines in a tough situation. They could side with their German brethren then under the grip of fascism or support the state that had fallen so far from its original ideals. Fearing the possibility of digging themselves deeper into a hole, they decided to throw their support behind the Red Army. The war cost many lives and the ineffective leadership forced many dogs into a corner. Despite this, the German invasion caused a feeling of patriotism that aroused a rabid defense. The end of the war caused a return to pre-war conditions, but now many dogs (and some people) were howling for a new form of legislation to guarantee their rights. Despite this Stalin remained steadfast. It would not be until his death in 1953 that the dogs would finally receive their just dessert.

Stalin's death caused a renewal of efforts to guarantee dog equality. Fetching copies of the old legislation, the dogs presented Khrushchev with the necessary framework for a new bill. In 1956, B.A.R.K. (Bill for Animal Relief and Kindness) was passed. No longer just chasing their tales, they continued to advance in society. In 1957, a dog named "Laika" was the first animal in space. (I would like to remind the readers that Laika is also the longest formerly living animal still in space) Throughout the duration of the Soviet Union, dogs would receive ample pensions, while being treated to some of the best parks the country could afford. Naturally, this would all come crashing down in 1991.

The collapse of the Soviet Union caused an immense amount of strife for everyone residing within its borders. For dogs, its not been much different. They have taken to traveling in packs, scrounging for food, and begging for handouts. They have even begun to resemble strays in many other countries, listless and unmotivated. Critics of Russia's new course have blamed the rampant speculation and unchecked capitalism. Unfortunately there is no way of knowing for sure. The one thing that is certain is that dogs have become animals in the land that they once ruled. Despite this, there still remain glimpses of their past in many of their present actions. There constant presence in metros, their adherence to important traffic rules and naturally their willingness to submit to the lowest strata of society, have more than proven their civility and cultivation. It is from this species that we should look for our next period of enlightenment. If we don't, we will be nothing more than mongrels, nipping on the heals of actual progress.

The Irrelevance of the Ear

This week while watching Russian television, I stumbled on MTV. While this error would elicit a quick and thorough attempt to either destroy the television, or at the very least, change the channel, I hesitated due to the fact that I saw a music video. Now as many of you know, MTV is a cancer that infects all that encounters it. Filled with the most banal trash ever viewed, it was the only channel that I programmed out of my TV at home, such were my fears of even viewing a nanosecond of some reality show or worse. Unfortunately, since I'm in Russia, I was sucked into what appeared to be shadow of its past relevance, and decided to stay and see if perhaps it was different here. It was at this moment, that this error began to bear fruit. I saw a video by an "artist" called Rihanna featuring Jay-Z. Now many of you may fault me for what happened next based on the argument that I should have expected what would happen just from the name "Jay-Z." I can only say that hindsight is 20-20, plus Rihanna looked attractive. Anyway, I was thrown into an abyss of crap of which I can't adequately relate in words. The "song", titled "Umbrella," was her just gyrating to the semblance of a beat, while repeating the word "umbrella." After two to three minutes of this, it ended, my ears accosted to the point that I feared I would be incapable of listening to music again. It was at that moment that I realized that the "dark ages" of music that we have had the misfortune to live in, had at last reached a new, frightening level. Music, the medium believed to be a direct gift from God, had finally and irrevocably decided to cut its ties with its chief mode of appreciation, the ear.

Music has had a long and complicated relationship with the ear. Since the beginning of mankind, the ear has relished its place as the means of intercepting and understanding music. Beginning with early drums, to lyres, and eventually to more difficult and complex instruments, the ear was constantly treated with new and innovative ways to appreciate rhythmic sound. The ear's prominence reached its peak during the classical era. Full orchestras would perform some of the most beautiful music ever made. The audience would stare blankly at the musicians, appreciating their gift with their ears, while attempting to find something to do with their eyes. The ear had reached its pinnacle, with its place secure, it headed into the twentieth century, the age of Rock and Pop music.

Rock and Roll would levy the first attack on the ear's role at the chief receptacle for the appreciation of music. Elvis Presley entered the spotlight in the late 1950's, not due to the music, but due to his stage performance. After all, a majority of his songs had existed in one way or another before he recorded them. While it can be argued that he was capable of lifting these songs to a place that they could have not hoped to attain with their previous performers, it is clear to most observers, that it was his risqué performances and swagger that catapulted his career from scandalous, to "king" of rock and roll. This initial attack had a monumental effect on the place of ear; music entered its first "dark age" with teen heart throbs and gimmick songs monopolizing the airwaves. Music producers claimed that guitar centered rock was dead, while green lighting some of the worst filth in pop history (Look at any of the hits from 1961-62). In an attempt to stop the darkness, a small group of freedom fighters led by musicians like Del Shannon, attempted to curb the damage, but to no avail. The ear was on the ropes, the line in the sand had been drawn. It was now up to the Beatles to attempt to roll back this advance; the stage was set for an epic showdown.

The Beatles entered the scene with a force unmatched then or since. While adhering to the established norms of appearance over substance that was prevalent at the time, they carefully began to undermine it. Their concerts were spectacles where nobody heard the music, the audience only desiring to see their hair or hear a joke. After a few years, the band had reached the point where they could destroy this type of performance in one swift stroke. In 1966, they decided to stop touring, and instead focus on the music, in the studio. The damage started by Elvis, had not only been stopped, but rescinded. Music had been reunited with the ear. Despite this, the Beatles were not infallible, and in their victory, they made one fatal mistake. Due to their lack of touring, they decided to reward their fans (and promote future music) with videos featuring them playing their songs. This was the birth of the music video. One of the pieces for the ear's ultimate demise was in place; the war was far from over.

The Beatles decision did not stop other bands from touring, but it did set the bar for music to a level where other bands could not afford to ignore the music side of the business. The 70's began with the breakup of the Beatles, which threatened to destroy the balance they had built. Fortunately, other bands filled their place. Rock split into many factions, represented by bands ranging from Queen, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Lynard Skynard, Black Sabbath, and many others. "Pop" which also split from rock shortly after the Beatles stopped touring, was firmly anchored by Elton John and a host of less popular performers. All of these musicians, kept the music in mind, the ear's place and the status quo was secured. Even disco, in all of its shallowness, showed that it could still make music, even if for no higher reason than something good for dancing. Despite this, the second piece of the ear's demise was beginning to gain support. The minority populations of the United States had begun to develop a type of music, which required no instruments, just a message. Their economic plight was offset by goofy humorous lyrics that showed the lighter side of life. It was in this atmosphere that Rap music first saw the light of day.

The 80's continued the previous trends while precipitating Rock's demise. With the help of apparent fellow traveler, MTV (starting in 1981), music began on a positive note through the introduction of new musicians to wider audiences. Rock music in the form of "hair bands" entered a phase of decadence usually associated with continued dominance of any market, while Pop music reached its height in the form of Michael Jackson. His choreographed dance numbers, well written songs and expertise at the art of the music video seemingly proved the compatibility of music and visuals. Unfortunately, this was far from the case and as the decade progressed, his songs worsened while the cost of his videos entered the stratosphere. Rock music, in the final stages of its decay weren't capable of stopping the hemorrhaging, despite the efforts of Gun's and Roses. Produced pop music, exemplified by the music video, began to outshine the music, as a result, less physically attractive musicians weren't able to compete, and faded away. It was also at this point, that the specter of produced pop, long thought exorcised in the early 1960's revealed its existence through the alarmingly bad "New Kids on the Block." Music was facing dire circumstances. It was at this crossroads that either visual or audio based music could have won out. It was at this moment that the hitherto fringe genre "Rap" music stepped up, this time with a much darker but altogether more appealing angle.

As previously mentioned, Rap music started with goofy fun-loving lyrics. Despite this, many within the African-American community found this to be somewhat of an insult and strived to remake rap with lyrics relevant to their life experiences. It was with this goal, that "Gangsta-rap" was created. Exemplified by "N.W.A." the genre used the Elvis route of controversy to get their genre out into the main stream. This coupled with their often repeated desire to make as much money as possible, lifted them past their previous musical ambitions, and into the world of general entertainment and business. The fun loving rap could not keep up, even with the main stream success of M.C. Hammer and the Fresh Prince. MTV, who had long ago thrown away their scruples in favor of cheap reality shows and continued profits, eagerly formed an alliance with Rap musicians/businessmen. The 90's would set the stage for the final battle, and the beginning of the second "Dark Ages."

The new order wasn't created overnight, and in the 90's rock waged one final resistance to the new regime. The insurgency was called "grunge," and while not being the best music ever made, was true to the formula of music over visuals. At the same time, Rap was perfecting the alternative, establishing the required necessities of a rap video, namely cars, people throwing around $100 bills, women in bikinis, and the rapper himself surrounded by his friends rapping directly to the camera. MTV did its part, by replacing many of its shows with original programming, while devoting its remaining music video blocks to rap/hip-hop. Rock finally gave up the ghost in the late 90's, and split into many sub-genres with only fringe popularity, but occasional success (like Metal band Korn's "Freak on a Leash"). In its place, the "Four Horsemen" of any Dark Age, "Boy Bands", Former Mickey Mouse Club Members, Teen Angst, and Gimmick songs climbed the charts. Rap/Hip-hop lost its only redeeming qualities by passing the mantel of its leadership to people who rapped about the same difficult childhoods on the street, but with none of the actual experiences. Finally, the genre grew so far apart from its original source, that it shed its "Gangsta" image, and instead focused on the completely un-relatable lyrics of being rich, and club hopping. Pop, unable to exist without mainstream attention joined Rap to make a strange musically unfulfilling hybrid. The new order had been formed, audio based music and the importance of the ear faded from the scene.

It is during this current phase that I watched the music video of Rihanna featuring. Jay-Z. Music as with anything existing under a stifled regime has only grown staler, with the "featuring" so and so, being the only new innovation of the last five years. Artists who had attempted to make inroads, (notably Jewel and Nelly Furtado) have failed and joined the enemy. Despite this, the ear has not completely died. Bands like U2, Green Day, and even The Foo Fighters have changed their sound without selling their soul, and as a result command a degree of respect from music fans, despite (arguably) poorer quality music. Also, newer rock bands have showed a degree of resiliency. The Strokes, The White Stripes, Wolfmother and others have tapped previous ages, notably the 70's to form a front against Rap. Unfortunately, the recent bands lack the over-arching talent, staying power, or ability to shake the foundations of the establishment. Instead their success has been used for propaganda purposes to show an openness for new and unique talent, and has not been effective as a tool for real change. It is with this in mind, that I sound the call for a new regime. One based on generally good music, free of the corporate and marketing undertone. Of course many of you may mention the indie rock scene as a place to search for our savior, and I welcome anyone from that group. I just desire a world where a band can be the best at what they do, and the most popular for what they do. I want to be able to turn on the TV and hear generally good music, not some "sampled" (usually from the 60's or 70's) or recycled beat. Even I was sucked in by the appeal of a beautiful woman gyrating, completely forgetting that the music would be garbage. In short, I just want to be current music fan again. I think we all deserve this slight concession. After all, we owe it to ourselves, and to our ears.