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It is with a joyful heart and great pleasure that I announce my (albeit brief) return home. I have to go back for a wedding, but I must admit that the joyous union that will validate both the lives of my friend and future bride is not the thing that most excites me. Eight months in Japan has left me jaded towards all things Japanese, and in the recent weeks leading up to my trip, I have done nothing but think of the benefits that only a European/American society can provide. It is with this in mind that I would like to share with the world the objects that I so desperately crave. For those of you who have spent substantial time abroad, perhaps you can identify with the things that (I believe) I so justly desire. For those of you who have not experienced a similar withdrawal from the comforts of home, I beg that you subdue your feelings of amusement and at least look on me with a mixture of understanding coupled with a semblance of pity.

Of all the things that I miss from home, the one that I most often lament is the difference in cuisine. Simply put, Japanese food is awful, and I have made it my mission to scour the grocery stores looking for items that resemble something edible. The Japanese over reliance on seafood has caused me to reevaluate my own position toward the fruit of the ocean. My original feelings of apathy toward fish have been replaced by a near revulsion. Despite this, these feelings are not due to my own consumption (which have been limited), but rather to the opinions of the Japanese population toward the intrinsic perfection of their diet. While no one can deny that fish provide nourishment, it may be presuming too much to argue that fish skin makes your hair shiny. This and the popular belief that the “cheek” holds the best meat, has caused Japan to be a country obsessed with the ingestion of fish heads.

I know that many of you may be wondering what food could possibly warm my heart in a country with a ready supply of fish noggins. To that question, I answer with a sandwich of such importance, that I fear that my feeble writing skills will not be able to adequately describe it in all its perfection. Therefore, (as if you hadn’t guessed) I will just put it bluntly. The Arby’s Melt sandwich is a thing of near divine beauty. During an earlier time in my life I would often purchase and consume no less than five. Each of these sandwiches hit me like a cheese covered bomb, and I would leave the establishment happy and full. Arby’s would further facilitate my gluttony through clever number based sales pitches, notably the 5 for $5 deal. I have been craving these since October and my patience will finally be rewarded when I sink my teeth into heavily processed roast beef spattered with melted cheddar and some strange red sauce. After enjoying the near bliss of Arby’s, I will recoup my appetite before finding a local a pizza shop. There, I will indulge in a pie that does not have any of the vile requisite Japanese toppings. It will be nice to see pepperoni and cheese on a hand tossed crust, instead of the usual fare of a cracked raw egg and corn spread lightly on a captain’s wafer.

While food is only the tip of the iceberg, it remains to be seen if my idealized vision of home will be realized. I know that I will be fulfilling obligations for a majority of the trip, but I hope to find the time to stop at a bookstore, or even see a movie. Japan’s staggering ticket cost of about $18 has forced me to forego a hobby that could have brought relief to a life full of boredom and frustration. I only hope that there is something to see when I get there. I would be bitterly disappointed if my movie options consisted of no other alternative than the opportunity of seeing Tim Allen and John Travolta ride motorcycles together, a movie idea that stimulates nothing but disgust and horror in all who encounter it. In any event, I hope that my brief trip will give me some material to discuss in this forum! If not, you can look forward to continuing blogs concerning the nature of bread based heroes or even articles concerning my love of the French fry. In any case, it will be something you can use to kill five minutes while making your way to something infinitely more interesting or entertaining. I hope that it is worth it.