Before I begin this entry, I would like to apologize for my tardiness in writing this week’s blog. I have been suffering from an intense case of writers block based on the fact that my life in Japan has entered a routine rife with uninteresting details and standard frustrations. As a result, the majority of my recent entries have been lacking in some of the (intended) humor that I had originally planned, and instead have focused on the airing of my own personal views and ideas. Therefore, the purpose of this particular blog will be two-fold. First, I would like to make a call to anyone who still has time to read my reflections, to please leave suggestions for future writings in the comments section found at the end of each blog. I assure you that that I will give equal consideration to all ideas and look forward to seeing how many submissions I receive. Also, I would like to make it perfectly clear that the relative lameness of any idea should not be a deterrent for posting advice, my acceptance of any proposal should be ample proof of my dire need for new material. Finally, the second part of this blog relates to my previously mentioned penchant for using my blog as a forum to express my views on particular issues and ideas prevalent in the western world. Therefore I would like to continue by relating my own personal beliefs concerning the most sacred symbols of adulthood and success, marriage.
In a period of my life when everyone and their mother are getting married, I am beginning to realize that the questions concerning my own matrimonial plans will increase. It is in response to this question that I wish to briefly reveal my own feelings concerning the institution. Last summer I attended my first wedding. I agreed to go not because of any real desire to see the event, but because of loyalty to my friend and a desire to see people who I had not had the fortune to visit in some time. I arrived at the wedding with a sense of foreboding, which was confirmed when I was given the opportunity to bear witness to the overblown extravaganza that seems to be typical of American wedding ceremonies. I tried my best to enjoy the event (mostly due to my friendship with the groom), but I found everything to be incredibly unnecessary and thoroughly decadent.
It was with equal disdain that I look forward to the plethora of weddings requiring my attendance that await me in the near future. Now, before I continue, I want to make clear that my feelings concerning wedding ceremonies bear no reflection on the love that exists between the two major participants. The purpose of this blog is not the call into question "love" or any of the emotions that generally come with it. I am truly happy for all of those who succumb to love and I wish the best for all of those who take the plunge. In any event, the experience galvanized my opposition to the institution of marriage and caused me to begin to devote serious thought to its place in my life.
Love exists. The seemingly selfless acts perpetrated in the name of love are countless and bear witness to the reality of an emotion that causes us to truly care about and cherish another person. Of course there are some who would argue that the idealized form of love so often hoped for rarely shows itself, and that it is fundamentally against nature to spend a lifetime with only one person. Reality shows us that only the ablest of men and women are capable of denying the urge of nature to procreate often and with numerous partners, i.e. cheating. Of course this fact does not negate the veracity of love, but instead opposes the common western views on morality that are primarily based on particular religious beliefs. According to the NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics), 7.5 out of every 1000 people were married in the United States during 2005. These marriages were no doubt based on a genuine belief that their mutual love was boundless, and therefore eternal. Unfortunately, 3.6 out of every 1000 people filed for divorce that same year, almost half. The question remains, is it a problem with love, or the flaws inherent in it the institution of marriage? It is a fact that the divorce rate has risen in the later half of the 20th century. Many point to the breakdown of the family unit coupled with waning religious influence on the masses as possible causes for this alarming statistic. Unfortunately, this data is misleading due to the fact that the often lauded family unit was rarely a happy one, and that "romantic" marriages of the past were less due to genuine feelings of love, and more as a means to provide economic stability for each of the partners.
(Note* the divorce statistics that I cited can be reviewed at the CDC's website at, http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm)
Fortunately the above reasons will not affect those rare couples who have discovered the precious gift of true love. To them I would like to pose the question concerning the relevancy of marriage from a purely romantic and rational standpoint.
Before I begin, I would like to reveal the shocking truth (to those of you that know me) that I am far from romantic. I will admit that many of my attempts at romance have been at best half-hearted and at worse, absurd. Despite this, I still believe that I have an eye for what it is, and registering your love with a local government office is far from passionate acts usually equated with true love. One of the common arguments in favor of marriage, is that the insurance and tax breaks that come with it not only secure the married couple, but these financial breaks also help provide much needed financial assistance for any children that result from the nuptials. These reasons hark back to the economic reasons for marriage that I previously discussed, and also make the case that some of the people who have chastised me for not wanting to get married were making their decisions on reasons that were not entirely based on love. On the other hand, there are many who claim that the public celebration of love shown at a wedding ceremony is not because of the economic concessions. They argue that marriage in this fashion is incredibly romantic due to the fact that you and your partner are announcing to the world an undying and eternal love (for 50% of the population). I would respond rather cynically, that I can tell all of those who are important to me that I love a particular person. I don't need an elaborate and expensive ceremony to truly love my partner. In fact, it seems that the wedding ceremony is little more than vanity project veiled by outdated religious tradition.
Many people have shunned some modern ideas of "open" marriages and permanent non-marital relationships. They argue that these new approaches are inherently flawed, and that they leave the door open for vice. Many conservative thinkers condemn these arrangements and cite often misquoted and mistranslated piece of religious text to justify their argument. In turn, it is these people who usually fall victim to the "sins of the flesh", and become the very statistic they preached against. In conclusion, I want to tell everyone that I love my girlfriend and that I intend to stay with her as long as I can sustain my feelings for her. Despite this, I don't feel that our love has to be validated with a certificate and rings. I also feel that what we have is more significant than tax breaks and joint insurance plans, more important than ceremony and pompous precedence. I urge all of those who feel that they truly love their partner to not fall victim to tradition, but instead to cherish each other and create your own. Only after escaping the economic and societal pressures that marriage imposes on a couple to remain together, will it be possible for love to be the only glue needed for a couple to spend a lifetime in a union of true and legitimate bliss.
In a period of my life when everyone and their mother are getting married, I am beginning to realize that the questions concerning my own matrimonial plans will increase. It is in response to this question that I wish to briefly reveal my own feelings concerning the institution. Last summer I attended my first wedding. I agreed to go not because of any real desire to see the event, but because of loyalty to my friend and a desire to see people who I had not had the fortune to visit in some time. I arrived at the wedding with a sense of foreboding, which was confirmed when I was given the opportunity to bear witness to the overblown extravaganza that seems to be typical of American wedding ceremonies. I tried my best to enjoy the event (mostly due to my friendship with the groom), but I found everything to be incredibly unnecessary and thoroughly decadent.
It was with equal disdain that I look forward to the plethora of weddings requiring my attendance that await me in the near future. Now, before I continue, I want to make clear that my feelings concerning wedding ceremonies bear no reflection on the love that exists between the two major participants. The purpose of this blog is not the call into question "love" or any of the emotions that generally come with it. I am truly happy for all of those who succumb to love and I wish the best for all of those who take the plunge. In any event, the experience galvanized my opposition to the institution of marriage and caused me to begin to devote serious thought to its place in my life.Love exists. The seemingly selfless acts perpetrated in the name of love are countless and bear witness to the reality of an emotion that causes us to truly care about and cherish another person. Of course there are some who would argue that the idealized form of love so often hoped for rarely shows itself, and that it is fundamentally against nature to spend a lifetime with only one person. Reality shows us that only the ablest of men and women are capable of denying the urge of nature to procreate often and with numerous partners, i.e. cheating. Of course this fact does not negate the veracity of love, but instead opposes the common western views on morality that are primarily based on particular religious beliefs. According to the NCHS (National Center for Health Statistics), 7.5 out of every 1000 people were married in the United States during 2005. These marriages were no doubt based on a genuine belief that their mutual love was boundless, and therefore eternal. Unfortunately, 3.6 out of every 1000 people filed for divorce that same year, almost half. The question remains, is it a problem with love, or the flaws inherent in it the institution of marriage? It is a fact that the divorce rate has risen in the later half of the 20th century. Many point to the breakdown of the family unit coupled with waning religious influence on the masses as possible causes for this alarming statistic. Unfortunately, this data is misleading due to the fact that the often lauded family unit was rarely a happy one, and that "romantic" marriages of the past were less due to genuine feelings of love, and more as a means to provide economic stability for each of the partners.
(Note* the divorce statistics that I cited can be reviewed at the CDC's website at, http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm)
Fortunately the above reasons will not affect those rare couples who have discovered the precious gift of true love. To them I would like to pose the question concerning the relevancy of marriage from a purely romantic and rational standpoint.
Before I begin, I would like to reveal the shocking truth (to those of you that know me) that I am far from romantic. I will admit that many of my attempts at romance have been at best half-hearted and at worse, absurd. Despite this, I still believe that I have an eye for what it is, and registering your love with a local government office is far from passionate acts usually equated with true love. One of the common arguments in favor of marriage, is that the insurance and tax breaks that come with it not only secure the married couple, but these financial breaks also help provide much needed financial assistance for any children that result from the nuptials. These reasons hark back to the economic reasons for marriage that I previously discussed, and also make the case that some of the people who have chastised me for not wanting to get married were making their decisions on reasons that were not entirely based on love. On the other hand, there are many who claim that the public celebration of love shown at a wedding ceremony is not because of the economic concessions. They argue that marriage in this fashion is incredibly romantic due to the fact that you and your partner are announcing to the world an undying and eternal love (for 50% of the population). I would respond rather cynically, that I can tell all of those who are important to me that I love a particular person. I don't need an elaborate and expensive ceremony to truly love my partner. In fact, it seems that the wedding ceremony is little more than vanity project veiled by outdated religious tradition.Many people have shunned some modern ideas of "open" marriages and permanent non-marital relationships. They argue that these new approaches are inherently flawed, and that they leave the door open for vice. Many conservative thinkers condemn these arrangements and cite often misquoted and mistranslated piece of religious text to justify their argument. In turn, it is these people who usually fall victim to the "sins of the flesh", and become the very statistic they preached against. In conclusion, I want to tell everyone that I love my girlfriend and that I intend to stay with her as long as I can sustain my feelings for her. Despite this, I don't feel that our love has to be validated with a certificate and rings. I also feel that what we have is more significant than tax breaks and joint insurance plans, more important than ceremony and pompous precedence. I urge all of those who feel that they truly love their partner to not fall victim to tradition, but instead to cherish each other and create your own. Only after escaping the economic and societal pressures that marriage imposes on a couple to remain together, will it be possible for love to be the only glue needed for a couple to spend a lifetime in a union of true and legitimate bliss.
1 comment:
This is an good topic. I am interested to know what has really perpetuated marriage in our society or began it in any society. I know that in the beginning it was created to bring stability to society and to know the parentage of children. And religion has certainly perpetuated it. But in today's American society why do so many people still feel it is necessary to get married. This is the real mystery. We have proven we can have a stable soceity without traditional relationships and most the people I know who are getting married aren't religious.
I will look into this more and get back to you comrade! Thanks for fanning the flames!
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